Oh No You Didn't!
by taylorcullenforever
Summary: alice and bella are in a class together... they pass notes and here are their notes... the cullens might come in too... Written by me and my friend! HILARIOUS! READ and R & R! Warning Some Sexual Theme 14 and up
1. Emmett? EWWW!

Ok me and my friend (Twilight Lover 4 Now) (her name is Taylor just like ME) were passing notes and we started this stupid note thingy were i'm bella and she is alice... i got my inspiration from other stories like this!! hopefully i did not copying on the work... but here is this funny story!! hope you like it... alice and bella are REALLY OOC because its me and taylor writing as them so dont expect to be perfect...

Thanks for reading

-taylorcullenforever (I LOVE YOU TAYLOR C. !!)

* * *

Bella: Hi, Alice

Bella: Hi, Alice

Alice: Wats up?

Bella: Nothing much, just missing Edward so much. -sighs-

Alice: Stop Obsessing... you will see him soon enough -roll eyes-

Bella: I can't stop obsessing... I miss him! Jeez... meany... just because I refused to go shopping with you doesnt mean you have to get all bitchy on me! -growls-

Alice: Whatever... -VISION-

Bella: Whatever! Alice, um... what... was... er... your vision?

Alice: We need to go shopping after school for something! No NOW!

Bella: NOOOOO!! Please no and for what? I have more than enough clothing...

Alice: Yes... and for something specific... its for tonight... hmmm, I might bring Rose

Bella: What exactly do I need for tonight?

Alice: Its starts with a L...

Bella: Uhhh... I dont know! What?

Alice: Come on . . .

Bella: I really don't know... Alice tell me... please

Alice: Se-- wear

Bella: Oh NO! SEXY WEAR!!

Alice: I saw you and Eddie

Bella: GASP

Where? When? -gasping for air-

Alice: Tonight

Your Room

Bella: Oh my gawd... FINALLY! What else did you see?

Alice: . . . -silence- oh no...

Bella: oh gosh... what?? WHAT??

Alice: Someone . . . . else was there

Bella: WTF! Are you serious!! ALICE WHO!!

Alice: . . . a . . . someone -backs off scared-

Bella: Alice you better tell me -gasping for air/crying-

Alice: Bella, calm down. Please. You're crying. It's ok...

another GIRL! -feels bad-

Bella: NAME!! NOW! -steam coming out of ears-

Alice: 'Ellie' ... there is something else I should tell you . . . o

Bella: Who is 'Ellie'... What?

Alice: It's . . . -laughing-

Bella: It's a what?? It's a who??

Alice: EMMETT!!

Bella: But you said Ellie -confused looking appearing on face-

Alice: Emmett's girl name is Ellie... -bust out laughing-

Bella: What?? I'm so freakin confused...

Alice: Emmett in disguise... -laughs again

Bella: What do you mean disguise… disguised as what??

Alice: Disguised as a GIRL! -bust out laughing SO HARD-

Bella: Edward would find out! He wouldn't let Emmett be there . . . would he? -starts panicking-

Alice: Don't know -twirling evil mustache-

Bella: You're a bitch! –starts crying really hard- he . . . . (gasps) . . .wouldn't . . . (gasps) . . . right? (gasps)

Alice: Maybe?

Bella: -crying even harder- I KNOW YOU KNOW! What exactly happens…?

Alice: Hard 2 explain… -smirks-

Bella: Oh, whatever… nothing is too hard to explain for you! You bitch!! Fine I'll go shopping with you… but tell me… How does Emmett sneak in? Won't Edward know? Will Emmett actually… be… in … it… with me and Edward? –gasps at the thought-

Alice: YEA! Shopping! Ok fine… Emmett is going to wait to you guys are in action then run in and hide in your closet with the door a little open for the camera… Edward wont know because.. you'll figure out that part tonight… No Emmett wont be joining the two of you but I bet he wants to.

Bella: What camera?

Alice: He is going to videotape you guys.

Bella: OH HELL NO! That is disgusting… I don't want to be able to see myself in action!! Will Edward find out about Emmett and the tape?

Alice: Eddie will find out… soon enough. And F.Y.I don't scream!

Bella: What….

Alice: You are going to be screaming like a crazy person tonight… don't scream.

Bella: Me (oh gosh) . . . wait . . .what exactly, you have lost me once again.

Alice: Don't scream or moan during it

Bella: How am I suppose to not do that? Why can't I scream or moan? HUH?

Alice: . . .

* * *

Lol... if you are confused then please PM or review and ask me your question... Chapter 2 should be up 2morrow!! :p thanks for reading... Hope you like it!! REVIEWWW


	2. Are You Going To Let Him? Huh?

* * *

Ok me and Taylor were a little crazy.. today when we wrote this. So... enjoy! lol Thanks Taylor for all your support and laughter at my words! Your the best!

Thanks to everyone reading this! Love you guys!

-taylorcullenforever/ Twilight Lover 4 Now

* * *

Bella: Why can't I moan or scream?

Alice: You are a loud screamer . . . trust me!

Bella: But I don't think anyone will actually hear me . . . right?

Alice: Wrong, little one.

Bella: I'm not LITTLE! What do you mean wrong? Who is going to hear me? Huh?

Alice: Everyone including Jacob . . . he will be running around over here or actually passing by.

Bella: Oh my lordy lord. Are you serious. What does Jacob think when he hears me? And don't give me no bullshit…

Alice: That you (of course) are in trouble :

Bella: Oh gosh, does that mean he is going to find me and Edward doing it?

Alice: -laughs- Yes.

Bella: Oh lordy lord! Will Jake be really mad? Will he have like seen everything?

Alice: What do you think, Bella? Humph?

Bella: Aw, crap! Well maybe I can try to not scream. Wait, am I going to be screaming in pain or pleasure?

Alice: Both, you want me to go out and buy you a gag? I'd love to! You can come with me!

Bella: Uh NO! I don't want you to buy my a GAG! What will Jake do when he sees us . . . wait I don't want to know . . . wait yes I do! Urg!

Alice: Pounce on Edward and then you if he gets mad enough. Good luck, wow.

Bella: Screw you! Oh gosh, why can't Jake stay out of my personal life for once… URG! Finally my night of intimacy with Edward and Jake has to ruin it!! NO!!

Edward: Hello

Alice: Leave Now! So Ciao . . .

Edward: No, what have you guys been talking about? Actually what have you two been up to? –Looks at Bella-

Bella: Alice . . . oh gosh –starts blushing-

Edward: Why are you blushing Bella?

Alice: Just been talking . . . Bella lets go! -looks at Bella-

Edward: Not so fast! Why are you two in such a rush to get out of class, we have 20 minutes left.

Bella: ALICE! -starts sweating-

Alice: Bella RUN!

Edward: You guys are up to something . . . I don't think so -grabs Alice and Bella by the wrist (grabbing Bella very carefully)-

Bella: Alice . . . um . . . I can't run now! Crap!

Alice: Come on!

Bella: Uh, Alice I can't. I'm not strong, he is holding me down! Urg! Stupid human strength! -growls-

Edward: So exactly what where you guys talking about? Bella? -Says name seductively-

Alice: Bella stay strong

Bella: Uh, we were talking about . . . . er . . . shopping!! Ah, yea. . . shopping.

Alice: Of course, duh!

Edward: Uh, sure. Alice, why are you blocking your mind from me?

Jacob: Uh, hi

Alice: I smell dog! Oh! Hi, Jacob.

Edward: Hello, Jacob -grimaces-

Bella: Oh my gosh, could this get any worse?

Alice: Calm down, Bella

Emmett: What's up family, who bought a puppy?

Bella: Hell no! Could this turn out anymore awkward, Alice? Huh?

Edward: What do you mean more awkward?

Bella: Uh,

Alice: that I haven't taken her shopping her in a while.

Emmett: This is boring

Jacob: Then get the hell out of the conversation

Bella: Yea, me and Alice need to go shopping!

Edward: Wow, are you ok Bella? You're not acting like yourself.

Bella: Freakin perfect

Edward: So Bella, what do you want to do tonight?

Bella: Gasp

Jacob: Uh, what's going on here. It's like Alice and Bella know something that they are secretly keeping from us. As if us knowing would freak us out. –Alice and Bella look at each other-

Alice: We aren't keeping anything, right Bella?

Bella: Uh, yea, right. –blushes- Stupid blushing!

Jacob: So Bella, want to go out tonight? –Bella looks at Jake shocked-

Edward: -growls- No!

Bella: . . .

Emmett: Thanks for adding some emotion into this conversation Edward.

Alice: -vision-

Bella: Uh . . .

Edward: Jacob, she is going to be with me tonight, all night.

Jacob: Uh, what do you mean all night?

Emmett: Finally Edward! –smirks-

Alice: Shopping . . .

Bella: What exactly do you mean Edward?

Jacob: Oh hell no!

Edward: Uh, ya I guess finally . . . a bed, no clothing, flesh to flesh, me and Bella.

Bella: Uh, Edward are you serious, don't joke with me! –gasping-

Edward: Uh, I don't know.

Jacob: Bella, please tell me you are not going to let that bloodsucker in you! Are you?

Bella: -gasping- Alice what was your vision?

Alice: Something…

Emmett: What! Tell me!

Bella: Uh . . . oh jeez

Edward: Yes, Alice tell us about your little vision -smiles-

Alice: -silence-

Jacob: So Bella are you going to let him do you? HUH?

Emmett: Are you?

Alice: Bella lets make a run for it

Bella: RUN!

-Bella and Alice run out of the class, toward the mall-

* * *

Now just to remind you the characters are not exactly like they are! So they are going to be a little OOC! Dont get mad!! ok! Oh and the next chapter is freakin hilarious... here is a sneak peak

_Mike: Did anyone hear really loud moaning last night?_

sorry, but this is all i'm giving out since the chapter is still being written... now it might turn into an AIM chat but the names will be the same no like weried usernames... :!! PLEASE REVIEW!! pretty please! :P

Thanks for reading!

-taylorcullenforever/ Twilight Lover 4 Now


	3. I Can't Believe You

Ok, here is another chapter. This one should be pretty funny! I think we were in math or on the computer while writing this one. LOL Well i hope you guys like this chapter. Pretty please review! :

Thanks for reading.

-taylorcullenforever/ Twilight Lover 4 Now

* * *

--The Next Day At School--

Rosalie: Nice tape, Bella, almost as good as mine and Emmett's

Bella: Oh my gawd! –blushes bright red-

Alice: Sorry, next time no screaming

Edward: Hello, everyone. Wow, I feel amazing! How are you, Bella? –winks at Bella-

Bella: Sore, deadly tired, and craving more. But other than that good.

Alice: Bella WHY! Why did you have to scream?

Bella: I couldn't help it! It was so amazing and overwhelming. I couldn't not scream.

Emmett: More details, Bella.

Bella: Emmett why the hell do you need more details, when you saw us yourself! Gawd, go fucking watch the video again, gawd!

Edward: It was so amazing . . . Bella we have, I mean have to, do that more.

Emmett: Did the 100 yr **( A/N Uh, I forgot is he 108 or 109? Sorry I'm just going to put 100 for now)** old virgin do good, Bella? –laughs-

Bella: No, he didn't do good . . . –Edward cuts Bella off-

Edward: WHAT? You were screaming and moaning like a crazy person!

Bella: Edward,

Edward: WHAT?

Bella: Edward, don't push me! Let me finish first. Kay?

Edward: Oh, ok.

Bella: He was more than good, he was freakin amazing! Oh my Carlisle I want more! –shakes head trying to control the need for more-

Jacob: Uggg, how could you Bella!? I can't believe you freakin let Edward have sex with you! I saw too much -shivers remembering the _whole_ scene-

Alice: Haha! You did check on, Bella! Just like in my vision! –busts out laughing-

Jacob: Uh . . . no . . . ok yea! –looks embarrassed-

Bella: Jacob how DARE you! –slaps Jacob, and Jacob looks hurt-

Emmett: Sick puppy.

Bella: Uh, who are you calling sick! You're the one who video taped me and Edward all night long!

Emmett: Uh . . . what?

Mike: Did anyone hear really loud moaning last night?

Rosalie, Jasper, Jacob, Edward, Emmett, Alice and Bella: Yea! -all burst out laughing so very hard they all end up rolling on the floor-

-finally Rose, Jasper, Jacob, Edward, Emmett, Alice, and Bella finally get up off the floor and back in the seats after a lecture from the teacher-

Alice: Jasper you looked too! You were about to have one serious break down! You came home and was screaming and shaking like a little girl! Why did you look? -glares daggers at Jasper-

Jasper: Uh, I didn't really think Edward was going to do it! I mean, come on! Edward is such a prude, well he was before last night. I didn't think he would really do it. Sorry Alice, dear.

Alice: It's ok. I forgive you.

Bella: JASPER! –gasps-

Alice: Calm down, Bella. I mean everyone knew you were doing it, so its really not that bad having them have seen you guys in intimacy. –giggles-

Mike: What? Who is doing who?

Everyone: No one!

Mike: Jeez, why are you guys always screwing one another! It's like a 'screw everyone' game in your family! I want to join!

Bella: Mike! You scumbag! You f#ing sicko!

Emmett: Dude, you need help!

Mike: No, I need some freaking action! –makes humping gesture- Bella, tonight at 9?

Edward: Bastard, get out of here! –growls and punches Mike a little too hard-

Mike: OWW! Jeez. . . (coughs) so . . . (coughs) Bella . . . (coughs) tonight? (coughs)

Bella: Uh, hell no! –looks sick to stomach-

Alice: Awkward

Jasper: Totally

Jacob: I still can't believe you, Bella! How could you let Edward get that far with you!? HUH?

Bella: Because I love him and he is my soul mate. Oh and Jake no matter how many times you tell me you can't believe me –looks annoyed- I'm not going to say I'm sorry. Oh that I'm ashamed of what I did.

Jacob: Bella, but . . . but . . . –starts crying-

Bella: Oh gawd. Go cry somewhere else Jake. Jeez, you're getting my homework wet!

Alice: Because she loves Edward more than you, Jake! –smirks-

Jacob: You little bitch!

Bella: Jake, if you're going to keep crying and if you're going to get all pissed of at Alice, then go the hell away!

Edward: Jake, just go away. And next time don't watch me and Bella. I know that you wanted to watch me and Bella, but come on! Oh and I can read you mind . . . wow, Bella we look really pretty hot and steamy! WOW!

Emmett: More details people! –gives everyone a big goofy smile-

Bella: Gawd, Emmett! Shut the hell up . . . you watched the video right! Well watch it again and there are your details.

Alice: Wow.

Rosalie: Wow, that video was freakin WILD! Jeez, Bella. I really didn't know you had it in you! You were like thrusting so freakin hard, even Edward had a shocked face on once you were became like a thrusting wild woman!

Bella: Shut up, Rose. Oh and thank you that means a lot coming from you.

Rosalie: Dammit! Did you see it Alice?

Lauren: Oh my gawd! You guys are freakin constantly banging one another then talking about with each other like its just a regular conversation! Jeez, Bella, that was you moaning!

Bella: Oh, shut the hell up Lauren! Yea, that was me! Now, shut the hell your boney ass up or get the hell out of the conversation!

Lauren: Bitch! What the hell is up your ass or shall I say vag?

Bella: Edward.

Edward: Yep, I'm the thing up her! Bella, tonight?

Bella: Hell yes! I think I'm going through withdraw from it already!

Edward: Me too!

Mike: Oh, now everything makes perfect sense! It was Bella and Edward that everyone was talking about. Bella, you and Edward did it last night, right?

Bella: No, we didn't have sex. We just were on his bed, with our clothes on the floor, with us flesh to flesh, and his _huge_thing inside me! DUH!

Edward: Want . . . more. Mike, go away. No one likes your sorry ass self.

Emmett: Gawd Mike, get a life.

Bella: Ok, everyone shut the hell up! We have only two minutes before the bell rings and we can go! -growls from wanting to hump Edward so badly-

Alice: Bella is feisty!

--bell rings and everyone leaves--

* * *

Ok, so what did you think of this chapter? Review and tell me! : Hope you liked it!


	4. There Goes Jacob's Balls

Ok, here is another chapter. Bella goes a little crazy in this one! Thanks to me! lol and Jacob is the bad guy in this one! Sorry, Jake lovers! : Hope you liike it!! REVIEW!

luv,

-taylorcullenforever/ Twilight Lover 4 Now

* * *

Alice: How is the lingerie going, Bella?

Bella: Uh, I'm going to need some more. Edward totally ripped the other one in half, because he just couldn't wait.

Alice: Wow! -shocked expression-

Edward: Hello, everyone.

Bella: Alice, I know right!

Alice: Hello, _Mr.Dirty._

Edward: Oh yea! You know it, right Bella?

Bella: Oh yea.

Rosalie: How is my little sex addict?

Emmett: Rose, you want to have some fun tonight?

Rosalie: No!

Emmett: What! What do you mean _no_? -starts sobbing-

Bella: Wow, Rose that is _so_ not like you.

Edward: Wow -looks at Rosalie-

Rosalie: What? I'm getting tired of having sex with Emmett!

Emmett: WHAT! -starting sobbing even more but now more shocked-

Bella: Ouch!

Edward: Hahahaha! This is priceless!

Rosalie: You aren't very creative anymore! Once you're in all you want to do it that one motion!

Emmett: Baby, what! I'll change! We can do the erotic twist!

Bella: Edward . . .

Edward: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Bella?

Bella: Oh yea!

Edward: Tonight?

Bella: YES!

Rosalie: No more Emmett, let's give our title to Bella and Edward.

Bella and Edward: Yes! Thanks!

Lauren: What's up, people

Bella: Oh gawd, it's miss boney ass! What the hell do you want Lauren –grimaces-

Edward: Bella, calm down.

Bella: I WILL NOT calm down!

Edward: Bella! Calm Down!

Bella: I have Buffy Summers on speed dial! Don't push me!

Edward: So sorry, go crazy!

Bella: That is more like it!

Lauren: What wrong Bella, I'm not going to tell about your little sex tape.

Bella: WTF! How the hell did you see t hat?

Edward: Lauren, you bitch! No you WHORE!

Jacob: Hello! -smirks-

Alice: Jake, you son of a bitch! –growls-

Jacob: Well, Bella betrayed me so she paid the price! Its now on youtube!

Bella: OH HELL NO! Edward take care of that mutt NOW! Before I tear him a new asshole and penis hole!

Jacob: Oh! Now I'm a mutt! More the reason to do doggy style!

Edward: Fuck you, Jacob! –punches Jake in jaw, breaking it- (A/N GO EDWARD)

Jacob: You broke my jaw, leech!

Bella: Edward hand me a knife and hold this dog down! So I can cut off his ball and penis or what little he has of them! -Edward hands Bella a knife that he got out of nowhere-

Rosalie: What the hell!

Jacob: Bella calm down, I'll take the video down! I swear! -Bella keeps walking toward him, caressing the knife and giving him one hell of a death glare- (A/N JAKE YOU'RE DEAD!)

Alice: Come on, Bella!

Bella: You're fucking dead, Jacob! DEAD!

Edward: Bella . . . calm . . . down -backs away from Bella along with the rest of the family- You're scaring me!

Jacob: AHHH SHIT!

-Jacob runs out of there screaming like a little girl!-

Jasper: I'm back, what did I miss? -looks at Bella- Oh shit! Bella, uh . . . what . . . happened . . . with . . . you? –backs away from Bella along with everyone-

Emmett: Bella, why are you so angry? –hugs Bella-

Bella: Did you just not see what happened! You were here! Gawd you're stupid! Anyway, Jake posted Edward and my video of us doing it on the internet and let Lauren see it and I just . . . lost it. Sorry. –hugs Emmett back-

Emmett: It's ok, lil sis.

Bella: Thanks, bro! –hugs Emmett tighter-

Edward: Stop touching Bella! She is MINE! I can read you mind!

Bella: What? Emmett?

Emmett: I don't know what you're talking about!

Edward: You want to touch Bella! I can read your mind, dumbass! Let go of Bella.

Bella: Emmett? –let's go of Emmett-

Emmett: Uh . . . oh gawd!

-Emmett runs away-

Everyone: OMC! (oh my Carlisle)

-everyone looks at Bella-

Lauren: Why does everyone always want Bella! WHY!

Bella: Idk!

Edward: Because she's everything you're not!

Lauren: Eddie! But how could you say that!! HOW! Bella, you're a bitch! Edward I'll go down on you whenever you want!

Bella: You fucking slut! –attacks Lauren-

Lauren: HELP ME! My hair, my nails, my skin, my clothing! AHHH!!

Alice: Oh my gawd! Look at Bella go! I didn't know she could fight like . . . OUCH . .. that! Dang Lauren is going to be in the hospital after this!

Everyone: OUCH!! GO BELLA!

(Bella beats the shit out of Lauren. And Lauren has to go to hospital)

Edward: Damn! That was HAWT!

-- As the paramedics are wheeling Lauren to the hospital this is what Lauren says:

Lauren: My modeling face!

* * *

This was actullay my favorite chapter so far! lol Lauren is a B!! lol anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter. REVIEW!!

-taylorcullenforever/ Twilight Lover 4 Now


	5. LAUREN! Ewww!

Ok, here is another chapter. Hope you like it!

Ok this is the characters Between me (taylorcullenforever and Twilight Lover 4 Now)

taylorcullenforever (me)

Edward

Bella

Emmett (share)

Jacob

Lauren

Rosalie

Twilight Lover 4 Now

Alice

Jasper

Emmett (share)

Mike

(but that might be wrong i kinda lost the paper with our characters on it! CRAP!)

* * *

Bella: So Jake, you had to stoop that low!

Jacob: What are you talking about?

Edward: No one else would do him! Hahaha!

Bella: You couldn't find anyone else, so you screwed Lauren! EWWW, SICKO!

Rose: Jake, what the hell is wrong with you? I remember you are a dog! No, MUTT!

Jacob: Shut the hell up you whore!

Emmett: Back the fuck up, dog! Before I hurt your hairy ass!

Bella: Yall are all freakin immature! Get a freakin grip!!

Edward: Bella you ok? You're not acting like yourself!

Bella: Yall are just so fucking immature! And I want you hump Edward so badly! UGGG!!

Edward: That can be arranged.

Lauren: Hi Jake, last night was amazing.

Bella: Ewww, that is sick!

Alice: Will you guys stop acting like perverts!?

Bella: Who? Cause there is Edward and I, then –gags- Jake and Lauren.

Alice: Everyone! –grunts and walks off-

Jasper: Alice, where are you going?

Bella: She is sick and tired of everyone being so perverted. Maybe you can calm her down. The janitor's closet is free.

Edward: Or it can be taken, Bella?

Bella: I want Alice to chill, so I'd rather Alice got laid first, today. Plus, next time I'm on top and I don't think I'm going to be able to stop.

Alice: Gawd, Bella! Stop talking dirty, that is so not like you! And for your info, I do not need to get laid.

Bella: OMC, you are right Alice! What has gotten into me!? I've become a sex addict! OMC!

Edward: I don't mind –touchs Bella's thigh-

Bella: Gawd, that feels . . . –shudders-

Jacob: See! That is disturbing! Me screwing Lauren is not as bad as Bella becoming a sex addict!

Jasper: Guys, could you control yourselves for Alice's sake!

Bella: Sorry. –moves Edward's hand reluctantly-

Edward: Sorry . . . not . . . ok sorry.

Jacob: Penis

Rosalie: Dog, you need to stop

Jacob: Go the hell away!

Bella: Edward, will you take care of that dog!?

Jacob: Hold on! Now I'm a dog ! What! Bella, I thought . . . you . . . loved me!

Bella: I used to love you, but even if I loved you it wouldn't make a diffrence! Plus, you're just a asshole now!

Jacob: Well you're a freakin sex addict!

Alice: See, you guys are arguing and still using dirty words!

Bella: Sorry, Alice. I'll try to use better words and be good.

Jacob: Sorry, I'll try to be good. But I'm not promising anything.

Rosalie: Don't trust him.

Bella: I don't trust him. I really wish he would go away! I can't stand him anymore!

Edward: Jacob –grimaces-, just go the hell away! You're making all of us frustrated!

Jacob: Oh, I'm staying here. And you can't make me go!

Bella: Alice! Let's go shopping!

Alice: Thanks for cheering me up, Bella.

Bella: No problem, it's my way of making it up to you for my dirtiness. Just no starbucks!

Rosalie: Can I come too?

Bella: Hell yea, Rose! You can help me pick out some more sexy ass outfits!

Alice: Do you remember what happened the last time we were at Starbucks, Bella?

Bella: Oh gawd! NO!

Alice: Does Edward know? –looks at Bella-

Rosalie: Does Edward know what? Tell me! It sounds juicy!

Edward: Yea Bella, what don't I know? Huh? –looks at Bella-

Bella: Alice, no! Please don't tell them! It's all in the past! Let's forget about the whole thing.

Alice: Well, Edward, last time me and Bella went shopping we stopped at Starbucks. There was this hot dude in there and he saw Bella and was like checking her out! Then while Bella was in line waiting for out drinks the dude comes up and totally grabs both of Bella's boobs! Then totally starts massaging them, then Bella groaned. And by the way Edward, she couldn't help groaning. Then she went to pull away and the dude then turned her around so they were face to face. He started making out with Bella after that. And she was too weak and couldn't get out of his grasp. I didn't know this was happening till I saw the vision. Since I was in the bathroom putting on lippy (lip gloss). But I stopped him.

Bella: Alice Cullen you are so DEAD!

Alice: What! Edward has a right to know!

Bella: Crap! He is fuming! –climbs into Edward's lap- Edward calm down! Calm down!

Edward: What does this guy look like, Alice?

Alice: Here -pictures the guy's face in her head-

Edward: -growls very loudly- That bastard! He is fucking dead! –runs off-

-Bella falls off Edward's lap, landing VERY hardly on the floor! Bella starts crying and Edward runs back-

Edward: Bella, I'm so sorry!

Bella: You asshole! Now my ass hurts and it throbbing like crazy!

Edward: I'm so sorry. Forgive me. –kisses Bella-

Bella: Hold on. –Edward stops kissing Bells and backs up. Bella slaps him-

Edward: Even though that didn't physically hurt me, that emotionally hurt!

Bella: Good, you can go hunt down that guy now.

-Edward starts running off-

Edward: I love you

Bella: I love you too

-Edward finds the guy and kicks him in the balls a little too hard (ok, WAY too hard, poor guy)-

* * *

Hehehehehehe this chapter was so very fun to write! Hope you liked it! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and thanks to every who had read this story! REVIEW!

-taylorcullenforever/Twilight Lover 4 Now


	6. I have a Hot Stud for you! Mike hehe

Ok, here is another chapter. Which i had to write all by myself since my sister (Twilight Lover 4 Now) is enjoying July in L.A! So this chapter is all me! I have a newbie coming into the story. I dont know if she will be staying in the story... but she is in the chapter. Mary. hehehe... i feel bad for her. You'll know why after reading!

Hope you like it

Disclaimer: I dont own any characters except Mary.

-taylorcullenforever

* * *

Jacob: Hello? Is Bella here?

Alice: Dog! I would be very careful! Bella is her and I'm sure she would love to cut off your balls still.

Jacob: Shit.

Edward: I smell mongrel. Oh, Jacob! –growls-

Bella: Hello, everyone. Jacob! –growls-

Alice: Bella, calm down. He hasn't done anything . . . yet.

Jasper: Bella, please try and control your emotion! You're making me pissed and mad!

Bella: -deeps breaths- Sorry, Jasper. I'll try to control myself.

Mary: Uh, hi. I'm new here.

Bella: Oh gosh! Newbie!

Alice: Bella, shut up! You were a newbie once too, so don't even start on the whole 'ome it's a newbie'. –to Mary- Hi ,what's your name?

Mary: Mary

Rosalie: You're not very pretty. And you're flat chested… you have _no_ boobs!! Hahaha!

Alice: Rosalie! -gives Rose a serious look- Gawd, that was mean. But you're right!

Rosalie: What?! She is! I was just telling her, so she knew. And I know I'm right.

Mary: -crying- I'm ugly, oh my gosh! I knew I should have never come here!

Edward: Mary, it's okay. Rosalie is just self-centered and thinks that anyone besides Bella, Alice and Esme is ugly.

-turns to Rose, Alice and Bella and whispers 'But she really is'.

Mary: -gasps when she see Edward- Who are . . . you? -smiles at Edward-

Edward: Uh, Edward Cullen. Uh oh!

Mary: Edwarddd…. –sighs- you are _gorgeous_! Want to go out sometime?

Alice: Mary, I wouldn't do that. –looks over at Bella-

Mary: Why not!? He's single, right?

Bella: Mary, um, can you fight at all? -fake smiles-

Mary: Not at all! I can barely pick up a back-pack. –looks at her freshly pedicure nails-

Bella: _Great!_ -evil smiles appears on face-

Edward: No, I'm not single, Mary. –laughs-

Mary: Well, who are you dating then? -looks around and sees Bella-

Bella: Mary, let me introduce myself. I'm Edward's fiancée and lover. –smiles over at Edward-

Mary: In you dreams! I'm pretty sure he would never date you let along marry you and be your lover. I mean look at you! You're normal and not pretty. –brings out a compact mirror and looks at self-

Edward: Umm, Mary? She is my fiancée and lover. –looks over at Bella who is steaming-

Bella: Mary, you're a bitch! But I bet I can find you a _hot stud_! –smirks- "MIKE?!"

Mike: Uh, hi?

Bella: Mike, you're single, right?

Mike: Yea, you want to go out and get _kinky_?

Bella: -looks sick- Uh, _NO_!

Edward: -growls-

Bella: It's okay, love. Lol. –takes Edward's hand and kisses him-

Mike: So?

Bella: I found you a girl! She loves to hit it straight on if you know what I mean.

Mike: Hell yes! Who is she?

Edward: -whispers to Bella 'You are _so bad_'.

Bella: -whispers back to Edward 'oh I know'

Bella: Right here -points to Mary-

Mike: Oh, okayyy? I guess. –to Mary 'Hi'

Mary: Hi, who are you?

Mike: Mike Newton.

Mary: Mary.

Mike: Mary, come on. Lets go. I'll give you a full tour! -his pants are sticking out in the crotch section and Mike trys to hide his hard member and everyone that see Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Bella, and Edward laugh-

Mary: Okayyy.

-Mike and Mary leave (oh boy)-

Edward: He is so disgusting! –looks sick-

Bella: Where is he taking her exactly?

Alice: She is in for quite a surprise and shock! Hehehe!

Emmett: Hot dog! –looks at everyone as if this fact is very funny-

Bella: Emmett, shut up! Go get a freakin hot dog then!

Edward: Mike (grimaces) is taking her to the janitor's closet!

Bella: ahahaha! That is so hilarious!

Edward: Count down . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .BAM!

-- In background Mary: Ahhh! Get that small thing out of me! I'm being raped!! HELP! Mike: Shhh! I'm in! I'm in!--

Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Edward: all bust out laughing

Bella: ahahaha! Mary learned her lesson!

Emmett: Damn, Bella! You're freakin mean now!

Bella: -slaps Emmett without hurting her hand-

Emmett: Ouch!

Bella: Don't mess with me bitch!

Emmett: What's gotten into you? –looks hurt-

Bella: When I don't get my daily dose of Edward . . . stay the hell away from me! Understand now?

Emmett: Got it! -backs away from Bella-

-Everyone goes out into the hallway and see Mary with only her panties on(which are not really on her) running down the hallway. Mike running after her…. his _very, very, very_ small package out of his pants! All the girls scream covering their eyes… then Mike sees what they are screaming out blushing and running back into the Janitor's Closer-

* * *

hahahahahahahahahaha... i loved this chapter the best! Well tell me what you think... pretty please review! I'll try to update soon... thanks so much for reading...

now press the little button that say post REVIEW!!

Love you guys,

-taylorcullenforever


	7. Safe Sex Talk! No Sex Tonight? Lauren!

Okay, i wrote this chapter ALL BY MYSELF! hah!

So, sorry for the long wait for another chapter! I'm running out of ideas!

I hope you like it!

-taylorcullenforever

disclaimer: I dont own any characters except Mary

* * *

Mary: Is he here Mary: Is he here? -looks around room-

Bella: -laughs- Yea, right over there -points to Mike who is looking at Mary- He looks horny for you.

Emmett: Haha, I think you have a stalker, Mary.

Mary: It's all your fault Bella! You bitch!

Bella: Well, you don't mess with Edward! He is mine, you shouldn't have did what you did, you deserved it!

Jasper: Bella! Calm down, gosh!

Mike: Hi, ladies

Edward: Excuse me!

Mike: And guys

Bella: Hi, Mike. Looking for someone? -smirks-

Mike: Yea, actually I am.

Mary: -backs away from Mike-

Bella: And who would that be? Mary?

Mike: Yea, Mary. I was going to ask her . . . (Edward interrupts)

Edward: To give you blowjob?! -grimaces from sight in Mike's head-

Mike: -looks appalled- No! Why would I ask such a thing!

Bella: Cut the bullshit Mike. She's over there -points to Mary, who is walking out of the room-

-Mike runs over to Mary, touching her ass. Mary, screams and runs off with Mike right behind her.-

Alice: I think Mike has a new obsession. Poor Mary. She is screwed for all eternity.

Edward: Mike is sick! And so are his thoughts.

Emmett: Oh! What was he thinking.

Bella: Emmett I am warning you now. I wouldn't ask to know what _Mike_ is _thinking_! -gives Emmett a serious-

Edward: You really want to know, Emmett?

-Everyone looks at Emmett-

Emmett: Yep!

Edward: Okay, well he was thinking about last night when he gave himself a handjob. But, in a very vivid picture.

Rose, Alice, and Bella: Ahahahaha! I knew it!

Jasper: That is disgusting coming from Mike, but not surprising.

Edward: I agree with you. And right now, he is trying to get Mary into the janitor's closet.

Bella: Oh boy.

Alice: -taps Bella on shoulder-

Bella: Wh . . .

Edward: Oh hell no! I am not going to be able to stand our **woman** teacher talking about such a topic!

Alice: Well, here she comes

Bella: What are you two talking . . .

(**A/N; okay, this next part I will be writing as if you were in a room hearing everyone talking. Just like you were in the classroom with them. I hope that makes sense)**

Teacher: Okay, everyone. The principal has informed me that all teachers must take today's class and tomorrows class to talk about safe sex.

Bella: What! You have to be kidding me.

Teacher: Yes, a talk and demonstrate safe sex.

Lauren: And are _we_ going to be able to demonstrate safe sex? Or positions? Or how to use a condom? I could totally show everyone how to apply a condom to a . . .

Teacher: No! Lauren! I will be the demonstrating everything and we are not going to be getting physical during this talk.

Edward: -whispers to the Cullens and Bella- She has never done this before and is nervous! It's quite funny.

Alice: Maybe she needs a new mood. –-looks at Jasper-

Emmett: I have the perfect idea -whispers something to Japser-

Edward: That is utterly disgusting! But, should be funny to see.

Eric: Are we going to get FREE CONDOMS?? Cause I could totally use some!

Teacher: Uggg, teenagers.

-Mike and Mary walk back into the classroom-

Teachers- (points to Mary and Mike) Where have you two been!

Mike: Oh, just somewhere! –-scratches his privates (which he has none)-

Teachers: Sit down, NOW!

Bella: Hehehe!

Teacher: Okay, so everyone know sex leads to a baby. Or, well, can. It is the most intimate moment you can share with someone. And the most pleasureable. But, doing it at a young age can be bad, mentally, emotionally, and physically hurt you. So, here I'm going to give you something.

-Teacher passes out condoms. Accidentally giving Bella and Edward ones that are strawberry flavored.)

Bella: Oh my gawd! It's strawberry!

Edward: We could use these, but there is no point.

Bella: No, sex tonight, Edward!

Edward: Why not!? –-gives Bella a pleading look

Bella: We did it all night last night and I'm tired and sore! No!

Edward: Fine, but I can change your mind!

Alice, Rose: HAHA! You sex addicts!

Bella: I know, I know. –-plays around with the condom-

Teacher: Now, everyone is going to get a banana. I am going to demonstrate how to put the condom on the banana and then you will try it.

Mike, Tyler, Eric: What if you already know how to put a condom on?

Teacher: And you would know how?

Mike: Girls love me!

Tyler: I have a huge package!

Eric: I like to give it hard, so I get a lot!

Lauren: Mike, no one loves you! How could anyone even want to come close to you!?

Mike: You know you want me to bang you hard!

Bella: This is so priceless!

Alice, Rose: I know!

Teacher: Now students calm down! -takes a banana and takes condom out of the package-

Teacher: Now you just position it at the head of the banana and slid it on. –-slides condom on banana, but stops mid-way.-

Emmett: Come on!

Jasper: I'm trying!

--Teacher crosses her legs, a (familiar) look appearing on her face. She caressing the banana--

Lauren, Jessica: No way! She is getting horny over that banana!

Emmett: Nice man -gives Jasper a high-five-

Teacher: That is one huge banana! I could just . . . – -looks around at everyone- Oh! How nasty of me! Excuse me!

--teacher runs out of the room and Lauren gets up--

Lauren: I want someone to fuck me, ALREADY!! ANYONE?? Gawd, I want to do it so bad! I mean I use a dildo for heavens sake! I need a dick!

Mike: I'll fuck you!

(Principal walks in)

Lauren: ANYONE besides Mike? I want to be banged doggie-style, against the wall, in the shower, hard core. Anything!!

Principal: I'm up for it. My wife is horrible!

Lauren: But, you're _old_. Whatever fine! --runs over to the principal and starts making out with him--

Bella: Jasper! That was not nice!

Jasper: That wasn't me this time . . . that was all her.

Rose: I always knew Lauren was desperate enough to do something like that!

Alice: Ewww . . . that is just sick.

Lauren: Oh principal!

* * *

I loved writing this chaper! I hope you liked it.

So tell me what you thought and click on that review button!

love you guys XOXOXOXO,

-taylorcullenforever

A/N I am working on the next chapter for He's Back, We're Married, With Twins. It should be up soon!


	8. Hpv? Herpes? Warts?

**_An Actual Update!_**

**_I might be updating another chapter soon enough_**

**_I'm hitting a wall of writers block and if you have any ideas for further chapters_**

**_please review or PM me and let me know!_**

**_Hope you enjoy this chapter! _**

**_I enjoyed writing it!_**

**_Love you guys_**

**_-taylorcullenforever_**

* * *

-------------everyone is in class; the whole room is silent-------------

**Lauren:** I feel sick

**Mike:** From sucking my dick?

**Lauren:** You dumb-fuck I would never suck you're dick

**Mike:** You would too

**Lauren:** Fuck off.

**Eric:** Mike you're such a dumbass. She is obviously sick from hammering the principals dick all day and night.

**Bella:** _--look at Alice and Rose—_ who in the hell would do the principal? I mean, have you seen him lately?

**Alice:** I sure the hell have. And let me say now _–Rose interrupts—_

**Rose:** He needs a bra! That dude has some serious man-boobs.

**Emmett:** Babe, that is disgusting!

**Alice, Bella, Rose:** Well its true.

_--they all look at each and laugh—_

**Lauren:** What the hell are you cunts laughing at?

**Bella:** Look who's talking! You're the cunt! You sick whore.

**Rose:** Damn Bella, way to be harsh.

**Edward:** That's my girl! She is so sexy!

**Bella:** _--looks at Edward—_ I sure the hell am sexy!

**Rose:** Bella, get over yourself!

**Bella:** You're just jealous

**Jasper:** Ladies, lets chill! You're making my emotions freak out!

**Alice:** -rubs along Jasper's inner thigh- Aww, Jazzy, I could fix that.

**Jasper:**_ -groans a little and grips down on the table-_ no, no, I cannot give into such temptation at such a time like now. No.

**Alice:** –pouts- you know what jasper, go fuck a blow-up doll.

**Jasper:** Alice-

**Alice:** -puts up a hand, cutting Jasper off- Spare me!

**Bella:** STFU!!!

**Edward:** Bella say it correctly. My God, are you stupid?

**Bella:** _--looks hurt—_ are you inferring that I'm stupid? Huh, cause if you are you can just join Jasper in on the fuck-the-blow-up-doll party he's soon to be having.

**Edward:** No, honey, I didn't infer that you're retarded as fuck.

**Emmett:** _--leans in with a goofy smile on—_ who's retarded as fuck

**Rose, Alice, Bella, Edward and Jasper:** EMMETT!!!

**Emmett:** What?

**Lauren:** Ooh ooh ooh!! Is Emmett available??

**Eric:** I heard that Rosalie's not tight enough for him anymore.

**Mike:** I heard she got Herpes.

**Everyone beside Rosalie:** Ooooohhhh!

**Jessica:** I heard she got warts! The really nasty kind she has to get burned off every other day!

**Lauren:** I heard she got HPV!

**Rosalie:** _--sprints over to Lauren, in a crouched position—_ You fucking slut! You're the one who's got HPV!!!

**Mike:** Oh my God, Lauren! You have HPV?

**Eric:** Shit, I need to get tested then.

**Jessica:** What the fuck Eric?

**Eric:** What I had one hell of a boner and Lauren was more than willing to fuck it along with giving it a BJ. A package I couldn't turn down!

**Jessica:** You're disgusting.

**Mike:** So are you cunt face.

**Jessica:** gasp

_(back to Rosalie and Lauren)_

**Lauren:** Rosalie you're a fucking sex machine! That's why Emmett no longer wants you.

**Rosalie:** Oh Emmett wants me all right. He likes to tie me to a stool and fuck me from behind until my pussy is so damn raw he has to then move on to my asshole!

**Lauren:** LIAR!!!

**Rosalie:** Oh really? I'll prove it to you.

_---Goes over to Emmett, dragging along one of the lonely, red, science stools. She bends herself over it as Emmett happily complies._

_He rips off her underwear and pants, slapping her ass before pulling down his own pants---_

**Emmett:** You want it hard don't you?

**Rose:** I want you to hammer me in, Baby! THUMPER TIME!

**Bella:** _--turns to Edward, Jasper, and Alice— _She's not going to actually do that right?

**Edward:** By both their thoughts if we don't stop them in . . . five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one. . . yea, they're going to do it.

**Alice:** This is sick.

**Jasper:** I think I'm going to vomit, Alice help me. Get me outta here!

**Bella:** I can't wait.

_-----Emmett thrusts inside Rosalie, with enough force to almost send both Rose and the Chair falling over onto the floor-------_

**Emmett:** AHH!! Yea, yea, you like that don't you?

**Rose:** Harder, harder, ooh right there!

**Emmett:** I'm going to literally fuck your brains out.

**Lauren:** Oh God

**Jessica:** Thank God the teacher is away for a teacher meeting.

**Mike:** We'd all be screwed. No pun intended.

**Eric:** This is the best porno EVER!

**Jasper:** --runs over to the nearest trash can and vomits despite the lust rippling through his body—

**Bella:** ooh, what a position.

**Edward:** You shouldn't be seeing this! You must stay pure from such things! _–Edward slaps his hands over Bella's eyes in an attempt to keep her as innocent and pure as possible—_

**Alice:** Well, this was one place they'd never fucked.

_------------Teacher walks back in from the meeting and stops dead in her tracks-------------_

**Teacher:** Holy shit.

**Rose:** --looks up but keeps smashing her pelvis against Emmett's—Oh shit.

**Emmett:** pussy, pussy, pussy, You and Me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals. So let's do it like they do it on discovery channel!

**Lauren:** OOOHHH!! The teacher just fucking pissed herself.

_--------everyone turns their attention to the teacher who has a huge dripping wet spot on her tan pants-----------_

**Mike:** That is some fucked up shit.

_--randomly--_

**Bella:** SEX!

_---everyone turns to stare at her-----_

**Bella:** WHAT?! I can fantasize too!!!

* * *

Hope You Liked the Chapter!!!

PLEASE REVIEW!!

-taylorcullenforever!


	9. The End

Hi, Everyone.

I Am Done Writing Fanfiction Stories Or Beta(ing). For Good.

I Found What I Was Looking For.

**I'm In Love.**

So I'm Giving Up Fanfiction.

It Was Great While It Lasted.

Bye

:)

-Taylor


End file.
